


The Great Game

by sunsetking



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Comedy, Dark Comedy, Don't Examine This Too Closely, F/M, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 18:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20511689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetking/pseuds/sunsetking
Summary: “Oops.” The Great Other sat back, unconcerned. “Well, I’ve done what I needed to do. Trust me, House Targaryen will be restored.”Or, the Gods attempt to save Jon and Dany.





	The Great Game

“How?”

R’hllor stared at the board in horror. 

It was a masterful work, worthy of the gods who played their great games on it. In the distant East on the other side of the table, black clouds and desert sands swirled over the great cities of Asshai and the empire of Yi Ti, and the countless people of Essos went about their business. R’hllor and the other gods, however, were fixated on the continent of Westeros, where the game had finished. For a moment, there was silence. Then, the Maiden burst into laughter. 

“R’hllor, oh, oh my!” She struggled to control herself. “You snatched defeat from the jaws of victory! How did you pull that off?” 

The Red God studied the board again, desperately trying to find a way to win.

“Let’s see, let’s see...”

The Drowned God chuckled. 

“Give it a rest. You lost fair and square, and given that my champion was nerfed beyond belief, you shouldn’t complain.”

R’hllor gave the kraken-headed being a dirty look.

“Shut it.” He then turned to the board. “How did I lose this time?”

The Crone spoke up.

“You messed up by playing the Azor Ahai card this round.”

R’hllor picked up said card from the discard pile, and read its description aloud.

“‘Azor Ahai. The Player chooses two of his or her champions, and has one kill the other. This provides the surviving champion with unreal power and ensures victory against the forces of the Long Night.’ What’s wrong with that?”

The Stranger’s gravelly voice answered.

“You had no need to do so. Many-Faced’s champion had already beaten the Long Night's final boss. He was trying to help you win for once.”

“Oh. But Azor Ahai is like, my favorite card! I’ve never played a game where I didn’t use it.”

The Warrior snidely noted, “You’ve never won a game either.”

“Shut up. In any case, what does it matter? I played the card, and we beat the Long Night event.”

The Maiden sighed.

“Yeah, we beat the event. You had full control of the game, and had you not played the card, both of your champions would have survived, and you would have won. But you played the card, and now one of your champions had to die.”

“Fine, but why the useful one?! Why not the other one? Jaime, was it?”

The Maiden picked up the small figurine in the North, and read its plaque before setting it back down.

“His name is Jon, I think.”

R’hllor grabbed the piece and threw it into the East, where it crashed into the ruins of Valyria. The Crone clucked her tongue in disapproval, picked it up and dropped it where it originally had been.

“Whatever! I spent a resurrection on his useless behind, and he didn’t do a damn thing afterwards!”

“Well, it’s randomly decided which of the champions will kill the other. It just so happened that the one you liked died. And for the record, you’re still an idiot. Why did you make your champion burn down the city?” R’hllor gave the Maiden a sideways glance.

“Little sister, don’t tell me that you wouldn’t burn a city if you had a dragon.”

‘Fair enough. It’s just a game after all. But strategically speaking, it was a bad idea.” 

“I am  _ fire! _ I don’t need strategy!”

“Clearly.”

R’hllor stared at the board moodily, studying the clouds that drifted over the Narrow Sea. He noticed a dragon flying towards Volantis, and groaned.

“Useless lizards!” He flicked his finger, and sent the beast into the depths of the ocean. The Seven gave each other weary looks, as R’hllor began an-all-too-familiar rant.

“‘Make your champion a dragonrider, they said! Each dragon has its own personality and flame color, they said! I should have given my champion only one! That bastard-” he pointed at the grinning Great Other- “got one of mine for free, and the other one did literally nothing! God! How do you keep winning, all the time?”

The blue-hued man laughed.

“I keep giving you advice, kid. You just don’t listen.”

“Oh really? What should I have done, O great one?”

The Great Other leaned over the board, plucked R’hllor’s information card from the table, and read it aloud.

“‘Your goal is to see House Targaryen win back their throne.’ So, what did you do? For starters, two of your champions-” he pointed to the miniature Aegon VI and Stoneheart in R’hllor’s hands- “didn’t even make it on the board because you forgot about them. One of them-” he pointed to a shallow grave in the Dothraki Sea- “died because you didn’t give him fire immunity, which is your speciality. And on top of that, you played the dumbest combination of cards you have in a while. I mean, seriously: the wildfire card  _ and  _ the mad Targaryen card?”

“Hey, wildfire took out the Seven!”

The Maiden and her six siblings gave R’hllor a dirty look.

“And the mad Targaryen?”

“It let me take control of the champion and burn the city.”

“Well, that might have been entertaining, but it doomed your champion. Actually, no, she was already doomed because you played Azor Ahai. You just double-doomed her.”

R’hllor groaned.

“Okay, wise guy, I’d like to see you do better! Let’s start a new game.”

The Great Other studied the board, and shook his head.

“Don’t need to. I can still win the game for you.” He reached into the Narrow Sea, and plucked the drowned dragon out of the water. He then pulled the dead champion out of the dragon’s claws, and dropped it in the lands Beyond the Wall.

~~~

Jon Snow screamed in horror as Daenerys Targaryen’s corpse appeared in his tent.

~~~

“Oh. Right.”

The Great Other reached for a card, and set it down on the board.

“Night King: Turn a dead champion into an Other!”

~~~

Daenerys’s eyes snapped open. They were an electric blue.

Jon reached for Longclaw, and drove it into the Other’s body.

~~~

“Huh.”

“See? That piece ruins everything! Least Valuable Player, I tell you!”

The Great Other shook his head.

“You’re panicking for no reason.”

~~~

Daenerys moaned in pain, and stood up, the sword still stuck in her.

“Ow...”

Jon’s eyes darted around the tent, and he saw a piece of dragonglass. He grabbed it, and threw it at Daenerys, who was beginning to realize something odd was going on.

~~~

The Maiden looked at the board in confusion.

“How is she not dead?”

“R’hllor stuffed her with so many fire points that, as an Other, she’s immune to Valyrian steel and dragonglass.”

“Oh.”

The Great Other then sat back, and reached for another card.

“Now, the fun begins! Red Comet: Emergence of Magic!”

A red comet rose from the card, and began making its way across the skies above the board.

“You already played that card, way back when.”

“Well, more magic never hurt anyone. Anyway, I need the card for the comet, not the magic.” When the comet was above King’s Landing, The Great Other flicked his finger, and sent the red rock crashing into the city.

~~~

Across Westeros, the ground shook from the impact, and smallfolk and highborn alike ran for cover.

In the lands beyond the Wall, Jon and Daenerys were sent sprawling.

~~~

“And now...”

The Great Other reached for yet another card, and put it facedown on the board.

“Wait for it...”

~~~

“Jon! Stop! It’s me!”

Daenerys sprinted through the snow, Jon in hot pursuit.

“It’s an Other! Get it!”

The wildings, still recovering from the mysterious earthquake, stared at their leader chasing a female Other into the woods. Tormund yelled after him.

“Don’t do it, Jon! She’ll freeze your prick off!”

~~~

“Perfect.” The Great Other flipped the card. “Baelish’s Winged Boots: Teleportation!”

~~~

Jon and Daenerys suddenly found themselves deep in the depths of the ocean. Jon held his breath, his body suffering from the pressure. Daenerys realized she didn’t need air, and swam around in small circles.

~~~

“Ha! You forgot to aim for a destination!”

“Oops.” The Great Other sat back, unconcerned. “Well, I’ve done what I needed to do. Trust me, House Targaryen will be restored.”

“Restored? There’s two left. One’s undead, and one’s about to die!”

The Great Other ruffled R’hllor red hair.

“No worries, they’ll be quite alright.”

The Mother looked down at the board, and chuckled.

“You might be right.”

~~~

Daenerys finally reached the shore, a good hour and a half of swimming later. One of her hands clutched Longclaw, and the other dragged the body of Jon Snow. She sat down in the sand, and looked at her love’s body. Daenerys bit back a sob, and then traced his cheek with her white, frozen hands.

A second later, Jon’s eyes opened. They, too, were an electric blue.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an extremely light, cracky, Post-S8 fic. Because life's too short for angst.


End file.
